If you were stuck in a burning building and the only way out was through the door in front of you, would you be relieved to find the handle was on your side of the door?
Too many times in our lives we find ourselves in that metaphoric burning building and too many times we just don’t recognise we have a way out right in front of us, or is it more accurate to say, within us.
All my life I couldn’t understand how some people seemed to not be phased by other mean persons’ actions or words while I felt like I’d had a dagger through their heart. Or why some people found learning a breeze and solved complex academic puzzles with ease while I was the class dummy however hard I worked. Or why some people only saw value in money and status and didn’t value a smile, a hug or my precious time as a valuable gift.
It was only once I overcame my own adversity in life and when asked how I did it, was I encouraged to take time out to reflect. How did I do it? I don’t know…I just did ~ I saw it as my only CHOICE. But that was not a good enough or fulfilling an answer to help others do the same and overcome their own challenges in life.
I remember sat on my bed sobbing one day at the state of my life, feeling totally lost and confused. Then I had an overwhelming feeling of shame and guilt which then led to feelings of anger and frustration.
How did I shift from one feeling to another in such a short space of time?
How was I able to feel so many different emotions, in what seemed like, such quick succession?
How was it possible to feel different sensations in different parts of my body with each emotion?
Asking these questions led me to the understanding that my sensitivity to emotions and the intensity of what I felt throughout my life was actually my greatest gift.
I learnt to become more aware of what I felt, when I felt it and where I felt it in my body. In turn learning how to manage, control and express my emotions. This took discipline, courage and a whole of lot of patience and at times I failed miserably but before too long I understood the power in, what I now know to be, EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE aka EQ.
LONELY DEPRESSED ANXIOUS FEARFUL DESPERATE SAD
ANGRY GUILT SHAME
These are just some of the emotions we feel, that in my work I collectively call ‘Unlovely’, that can lead us into a really dark place in our lives…….If they are MISMANAGED.
Mismanaged emotions is a more common problem than we think. One of the requests I am asked for help with is ~ ‘How do I manage myself and my life better? Teach me how to cope with my day-to-day life and help me to prepare myself for anything that comes my way’.
EQ is the ability to recognise, understand and manage both your own emotions and the emotions of those around you.
According to Daniel Goleman, the best-selling author of ‘Emotional Intelligence’, emotional intelligence has 5 key elements:
- Self Awareness: Knowing how you feel and how others feel around you.
To increase your self-awareness, keep a daily journal of your thoughts so that you can look back on and see where your actions and behaviours have become unconscious habitual patterns. Making the unconscious conscious is self-awareness.
- Self Regulation: How well you keep your emotions balanced.
To be a better self-regulator, hold yourself accountable for your actions or try meditating for feeling true harmony.
- Motivation: A passion to achieve your inner goals.
How committed are you to feeling good? Do you practice feeling grateful everyday and do you place value on having fun and enjoying life? Are you hopeful and optimistic?
- Empathy: Understanding the emotion of others.
To increase your empathy, pay attention to other people’s body language or try putting yourself in their shoes.
- Social Skills: The ability to interact with others and resolve conflicts respectfully.
Improve your social skill by giving others praise. Focus on being a better listener and being open and receptive and to good and bad news.
My work, as an Emotional health Mentor and Self-Love coach is to educate others about EQ and to enable and empower others to transform themselves and their lives with their emotions.
Your EQ is your power that will choose to turn the handle of the door to a transformed life….
Because feeling really is the secret!
“As much as 80% of our ‘success’ comes from EQ” Daniel Goleman